God's Romance

Mhh, I once wrote this poem, and this was once the only true feeling I knew, had known for a long time and it was part of my expression of LOVE.

DESIRE

I permit him into my space,

Holding him in my arms

The look in his eyes drenches my craving with

His infatuation for me

His kisses correcting my sexual language 

My tongue carries a persuasive yearning and

Fractures his tenderness

I can feel him thrust back with resistance

Challenging my femininity

Begging for my passion

His quivering body tells me his desires

Exuding enough heat to intensify my obsession

Opening my raw appetite for his body

For his satisfaction

My need to watch him let go of his

Resistance to my touch, give me his roaring passion,

Liquefy himself for me to drink and

Breathe his scent into my lungs

Make me his.

By Gugu MCHUNU

19.11.2008

And then I read this from the Songs of Solomon, then I think to myself had I met him back then we would have been great poets, sharing this intimate expression of what most people can’t verbalise.

Son 1v2 Let Him kiss me with the kisses of His mouth; for Your love is better than wine.

Son 2v5 feed me with raisin cakes; comfort me with apples, for I am sick with love.

Son 8v7 many waters cannot quench love, nor will the rivers overflow it. If a man would give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be scorned.

Then I listen to this song by John Legend (Can’t confirm if he wrote it).

Hush my baby don’t you cry,

I’ll dry your eyes, fulfil your hearts desire.

Let’s go in and try again,

Careful this time;

Broken promises linger in our minds.

Don’t give in completely hearts break so easy,

I know believe me I’ve tried.

But my arms can hold you, my kisses console you,

I’ll come and love you tonight.

I love, though love hurts sometimes, but this feels right,

You love even though you’ve been burnt, you still return.

Come and share my house my home and all I own,

I long to give to you.

Aren’t you tired of going alone?

This lonely road, it takes its tall on you.

Give me you emotions, your hearts devotion,

Give everything you like.

I’ll give understanding, life’s so demanding.

I’m all you need to get by.

I think to myself, “this is love’s delicateness” humans begging for it to remain a constant. I had so many expectations of love “romance”. As a woman, I want to drown in my fragility and for my husband to long to give me all the comforts of a warm home. I want to let my husband kiss me with kisses of his mouth which for ME, would be better than wine.

I’ve had this in my heart for a while but I didn’t and still don’t know what it is meant to achieve. I was still waiting for it to be profound and deep. I decided to sit down and write it even if it doesn’t take any visible form until it’s complete, so I hope somewhere it makes the sense you need.

So I kept on getting dribs and drabs of conversation with Father that didn’t follow any particular order. One afternoon He threw me a line like “how do you ask to be consoled for loosing something no one knew you had, not even you”. This really doesn’t make sense to me, so I was wondering what I was seeking to be consoled about.

Then out of the blue He said “love’s treasure is knowing you have it, to nurture it”. Now because I’m seriously confused and I’m wondering what it is I missed. I got something along the lines of “the tree that feeds the animals has roots, it is stable, it produces in time without fail, it is fed, and then it can feed”. Really, am I empty God; seriously you are calling me empty. “No, your roots are shallow, dig deeper” so I said to God with a touch of arrogance “I have depth”. Smiling He said “yes you do, you just need to plant deeper”.

So I sat back in my office chair and thought about this. Plant deeper! What does this mean?

Son 8v6 set me as a seal on Your heart, as a seal on Your arm; for love is strong as death. Jealousy is cruel as the grave; its flames are flames of fire, a flame of Jehovah.                                                      

His flame won’t go out; literally it will never go out.

I considered the lives that passed my path to be some of the roots that make the tree that is me. They had dug themselves a place in my heart that had structured how I see others. Some of them had awakened in me a protector, some a caregiver, some my femininity and other a strength I had no way of knowing I had. Some of them invoked fear, a need to be affirmed, persistent insecurities and weakness I had no way curing.

These feelings bare, open to any confusions, superficial revelation; suddenly I was a machine that worked well at times and others not….. My manual didn’t have a “remedy” for the times I was broken, it simply said, call manufacture.

My maker’s response was simple, in the same place I found familiarity I found my answer:

Son 1v15 Behold, you are beautiful, my love; behold, you are beautiful; you have doves' eyes.

John 15v5 I am the Vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, the same brings forth much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.

Remain in Me, I made you. You will never doubt your magnificence. When I asked Him how I can know this for sure He said, but I told you:

Mat 13v45 Again, the kingdom of Heaven is like merchant seeking beautiful pearls.

When we doubt our magnificence, we often stay with someone we are familiar with, out of fear of discovering what else is in store for us. When we fear what other people will say should we dare have a slightly different expectation than what we’ve accustomed ourselves with, we are essentially saying the dreams He sets for us are not worth the temporary criticism. It’s not worth the lifetime treasure He has built for us.

So I asked Him what kind of love should expect from my husband.

Eph 5v23 for the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.

See the devils attacks are simple but they are where we lay our deepest roots are. He uproots the foundation of who we are and makes our roots shallow. That’s all Father was saying to me.

My many expectations from love were founded on nothing He has set for me. Sure we all say it out loud how we first want a man/woman of God (whose heart is set on heaven) and the rest shall fall into place. But we scan the room in our home (church) to find the most physically attractive person, sit and pray about them being our future spouse. We obsess about how they need to have a certain bank balance, ambition and vision (our perceived future). Get disappointed when Father says I have something better for you, “what could be better than this one, seriously, why can’t I have this one”, we cry to Him. We don’t understand the better He has planned for us.

The ‘better’ is that woman/man we don’t look at, the one who has set his eyes on the Lord and seems to not have time to look at you. Or when she/he does, it is with Christ’s eyes. He/she has let God define his/her beauty and attractiveness. He/she has let God choose who he/she will be joined to and lead/by.

Just recently I had managed to convince myself I was in-love with someone. I was sure I could differentiate between infatuation and love. I saw all sorts of futures, which by the way I was convincing myself it was God confirming my prayers. This is not to say he isn’t, it’s just to illustrate the kind of places we take ourselves to without a second thought into what Father has planned. As usual my Dad had to be a little harsh with me to get my attention.

This conversation was very hard but it had to happen. An internal inventory took place that reminded me that a journey has to happen for the destination to come. So before you get yourself twisted on that person, before you ask her out, before you agree to go out for coffee, ask your God the questions you wouldn’t have answers to:

Is the purpose of my life aligned to him/her or maybe complimentary?

Would it be supportive to God plans?

Are you prepared for the woman/man they are?

Are you the man/woman they need?

Ask God to fashion you into the man/woman my future spouse need.

What are the things He has built in you that make you this persons’ spouse.

For you to breathe as one flesh, Father has to be at the beginning and centre of your relationship. There are a lot of changes that take place, necessary changes, when you are in a relationship that you may not have anticipated. 

Mat 19v5 and said, for this cause a man shall leave father and mother and shall cling to his wife, and the two of them shall be one flesh?

I needed to deracinate the shallow roots I considered part of me, dig deeper and plant God and let Him define what my expectations should be of love. First I need to be dressed in His flesh and accept the gift of His love for me.

Col 3v14 and above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfectness.

Col 3v15 and let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which you also are called in one body, and be thankful.

So when I meet my husband, I’ll recognize his Christ like scent and when I drink from his cup of love, I will float to the heavens because we would be completely grounded in Christ.

Prayer: Ruler of heart, Father God, my Dad, I surrender my expectations for your confirmations. Drench me in the rain of your love and make fertile my ground. Plant my roots with your hands and define their depth. Cover my eyes to all temptation and cause me to die to my flesh and awaken to my love in the time of your choosing. I’m in awe of the woman/man you are carving to me being. I’m in awe of the woman/man you are placing in my path. Open my flesh to receive them, nurture them and be one with them. Create in us the bond of perfectness as we journey into the love you have blessed us with. In my Lord and Saviour’s name, Jesus Christ, Amen.