Planted Black Rose

Starting over

I had said a while back, probably five years ago when I was moving house into my previous place that I AM NOT MOVING AGAIN unless I was getting married. The stress of moving was just too much and there were so many things to do. I didn’t see it as a great thing at all, except that my son would be able to play in a garden.  

Well I moved again!!! Same battle of getting everything done right, signing off the one place and signing into the new place, packing and then unpacking, ayi ayi ayi. It is just so much work, Not to mention the emotional toll it takes. Wishing you had a partner to take care of the electricity re-connection, asking for help from family and friends, sleeping on an unmade bed because everything is everywhere and you don’t feel you are made for this. In-fact it feels like no one loves you enough! Like there should be another measure of love added to the love that your family and friends have for you, to equip you to move house without strain.

This though, is one of the most crucial growing pains we have to experience. It indicates a change, a new beginning. It carries a promise and a desire to make things different. We move house, sometimes when we didn’t want to move house at all, but our circumstances force us to move house. At times we do it absent minded as a chore, without really paying attention to the new space we are in and appreciating how big the move was. It is important to be awake for the most important changes in our lives, see them as beautiful as they are meant to be, and all the new possibilities they come with.

Moving house in our lives

I didn’t get a chance to go to university when I was young. It just so happened that my first permanent job I worked for a woman who told me she can only approve my bursary if I studied xyz, which had nothing to do with my career and unfortunately I didn’t have money to study on my own. I was frustrated to a point that I lost the desire to studying, ever. Just when I started to feel okay with what life had given me; I got a new boss who required me to study. And I mean, she did not make it an option but a requirement.  At first I got excited, I mean, hey, education finally. Then I got into it and it was not as sufficiently pleasing as I thought it would be. It got beautiful and inspiring but it also got painful and too much work. Slightly fun and then down the dip again. I mean there are just some subjects that pull your teeth out, much like moving house, and there are those that are soft and cuddly like a new pillow. No one could love me enough to make studying easy, I had to ask for that kind of love from God. He helped me move house in my mind, shift things with dust on them and made them new and worth looking at again, and finally I'm GRADUATING!!! I am basking in the completion of moving this house and the promise and possibilities it comes with.

Refurbished

Revelation 21:5And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

The Lord is slowly showing me that the dreams we had as kids, pure dreams of being this or that, those evident ones that even your parents can see in you, tossed aside by life and circumstances are not lost with Him. God re-purposes them because they come from Him. He makes them new. He brings them back into your heart and life to complete what they had intended to accomplish. Maybe at first you don't recognise them as your dreams, they look different and feel like they are so far off from the vision you had, but their purpose in your life and those you are meant to share them with hasn't changed at all. I’ve seen how He takes something I thought was lost forever and bring it back to life with His mouth. I have a glimpse of what my dream will look like. Not completely sure how it will get there but I see Him pulling it out of this dusty shelf and putting it to work. 



So even with all the teeth pulling and soft pillows of studying I'd experienced, when the Lord asked me to move house again and study Theology I had an excitement in my heart. I had the "He talked to me. I matter. He has plans for me." kind of thoughts and feelings. Don't get me wrong somewhere I had that sinking sickening feeling in my stomach I had the "what if I'm not good enough, fail more than pass, disappoint Him" kind of feelings. As time drew closer for me to register, He kept reminding of what Yorke James Scott (a friend of a friend) said during his graduation ‘When you do Theology, you have a teacher that is always with you and revealing things to you’. So I trust Him. I trust that my teacher is and will always be with me to move into this new house. 

Obedience!!!!!

Recently, during a lesson in the prophetic academy, I was reminded that we sing to the Lord statements that get born in the natural. I remember singing with tears in my eyes and my heart drenched with desire “Spirit lead me where my trust is without boarders” and adding in a small silent voice “Make History through me”. Knowing my Dad, He didn’t place that song and words in my heart for the melody only but the purpose it carries. I waited for the day when it really felt like I was going past the boarders of my trust. There had been several situations that have fit that but to date, this feels like the embodiment of that statement. I expect it to fold all the boxes I have put God in, to break away whichever pieces of walls around my heart that are still standing and to set alight a new passion for my Father who makes history through me.

So here I am, starting over and moving house. The house that is my life with Him. It may not seem like a completely new start but it is. I must paint the walls, re-tile the floors and refurbish the furniture and eventually move it. It is going to be emotional, time consuming, physically exerting and spiritually challenging. It will require me to stand, fall and mostly kneel. I will probably sleep on an unmade bed more times than I did when I actually moved house. Mostly it will be full of ‘ahhaa moments’ with the Lord, transformative discussions, gut wrenching desires to change and a lot of laughter with travel companions. I will call on you, friends and family for small situations and big things during this journey but mostly I will welcome God to walk me through it, and whenever I feel the doubt creep in I hear Him say: 

You are tattooed into the chord of an old melody,

Scream for me with the sword in your hand

Charge forward with wisdom in your heart.

Be consumed by My will and let my desire propel you.

See My winged fire burn for you and 

Feel My righteous obsession for you,

Let it light you up and set you ablaze!!

I pray that my home knows joy, that every room holds laughter and every window is open to great possibilities. I pray to always fall on knees and offer all of me. I pray I always recognise the warrior You see in me and that my mouth sings like Mary

Luke 1:46-48 
and Mary said:
"My soul glorifies the Lord
and my spirit rejoices in God my Saviour
for He has been mindful
of the humble state of His servant
From now on all generations will call me blessed,

May my heart be on fire for you always, in your mighty name; Amen.